Who is a friend?

What is the definition of a friend?

Someone who has a close personal relationship of mutual affection and trust with another is the dictionary’s definition of a friend. Although there are many definitions of a friend, one knows the true meaning of friendship if they have ever had a friend.  Many people have friends that they can count on for anything.

Others have fair-weather friends that are there when they need something.

Being a good friend means that you will not judge your friend’s mistakes but help with the correction of the mistakes. A good friend listens to problems and lends useful advice to better their situation. Being a good friend means that no matter what happens you will stand next to your friend’s decisions and choices. Sometimes you may not always like what your friends have to say but since there is a common ground between friends, you will often listen and respect what your friend has to say.

I have learnt that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak. If I would trust my life with you, and vice versa, we are friends. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship. Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do, it’s not about whether you’re good or not, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it’s always balanced at every moment. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that’s returned.

I’ve heard people, who I hardly know and talk to, say we’re friends. And then of course when I do something they don’t like, I’ve betrayed the supposed friendship. They’re living in a dream world.  When a friend changes, you should be able to find the bond that keeps you connected at a deeper level, the surface stuff isn’t a good thing to depend on. Physical bodies change as they grow and so do emotional bodies and intellectual ones.  People change, and you cannot necessarily tell what’s coming next.  So if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, then dear reader that is not friendship that is coercion.

 

For the rest of 2017, I’ll choose to think of friend as a very strong word, representing a very close relationship. I have realized that I work with lots of people, who I called friends loosely at some point, who aren’t really my friends.    A friend is a personal relationship. Friendship is a wonderful part of life, but it can unfortunately be used to deceive, because it is easy to manipulate with it, but only true friendship cannot be defeated. This is the very thing that had sealed the fate of Julius Caesar.  Cassius and all the other conspirators knew that they could use this to their advantage, and to Caesar’s disadvantage. Friendship was what the conspirators used as a cover to blind  Caesar from the truth. Just as a hunter uses camouflage to keep the animals from seeing what he is up to, the conspirators also used camouflage, but they used flattery along with manipulation as a way to soothe any feelings of doubt that Caesar may have had about their sincerity. These essentials would gain trust, which is the key to all friendships.

Shakespeare was trying to show people that even though they might be friends with someone, it doesn’t mean that person has only good intentions. The main point that Shakespeare wanted to leave with us may be that people should choose their friends carefully, which is a good point, because for all we know, our best friend could actually be our worst enemy.

I believe that a friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviours.   My friends should have good influences on me, they should be fun to be around and I should love them.  So for this year I’m re-evaluating my friends because the truth is that there are times in our lives when we need to edit our circle of friends. Whether it’s a move, a realization that all your friends have kids/are

single/moved away, a life-changing experience, a new hobby, a shift in life focus…. The list could go on-and-on! None of those reasons are a judgment against us! They are simply stages of life that remind us that while a couple of our friendships might prevail through differences, the truth is that we all need to be constantly replenishing our circle of friends to ensure its meaningful for who we are now.

So given that I like and admire many people who are not my friends but they should be, I making the decision to work on those friends and lose to ones who are just plain baggage at this point.

 

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